| Can you provide advice about my
particular situation? |
|
We are very sorry, but TOUGHLOVE®
Australia simply cannot give you any advice, no matter how much
background you provide us. The heart of our program is the advice that
you will get from all the members of your support group. And that
advice will take you time to believe, to absorb and then to follow.
However, if you believe you are in immediate
physical danger, please:
The
organisations below offer additional services and are compatible with,
but not directly associated with, the TOUGHLOVE philosophy.
|
| Top |
|
| Can you give me a referral for
where to send my kid? |
| TOUGHLOVE Australia does not refer people
to boot camps or treatment facilities.
We recommend that you go to your local TOUGHLOVE Parent
Support Group.
The parents in the group will let you know which professionals and
services have been helpful to their families and which ones have not. |
| Top |
|
| Where is the nearest parent
support group located? |
|
Our website lists all TOUGHLOVE
organisations in Australia and beyond. If you cannot find a
convenient location in either
list, you should still send in your request to the nearest one on that
page. If enough people from your area inquire, we may be able to start a new
support group near you.
|
| Top |
|
| Can I start a group in my area? |
| As
you might imagine, this is a significant commitment and other families
will be depending on you. Please begin by first establishing in your
own mind whether or not our program is right for you. To do this, read
the Bantam/Doubleday book TOUGHLOVE by Phyllis and David York, available
from us and
many self-help bookstores. After reading this book, you will be in a
much better position to understand if you really want to help start a
new group. Also, please see Starting
a Group. |
| Top |
|
| What kind of trouble does my kid
have to be in for me to need this group? |
| You are the one who decides what is a problem in
your home. TOUGHLOVE
Parent Support Groups help parents with a wide range of problems from,
"my son won't clean his bedroom" to "my son has been arrested for...".
If you are concerned about your kid's behaviour, that is enough. |
| Top |
|
| Is it my fault that my child is in
trouble? |
| No. A TOUGHLOVE
Parent Support Group is a group of caring adults who will understand
what you are going through. We know you have done the best that you can
with the tools that you have. |
| Top |
|
| What if my spouse won't go with me
to the group? |
|
You will find other people in the group in the
same situation. Go to
the group and ask your friends and relatives to go with you and support
you.
|
| Top |
|
| What is the weekly contribution
used for? |
|
Each state may vary in the way they manage
contributions. Generally the contribution is shared between the
group and the state organisation and goes towards covering expenses.
Groups incur expenses such as registration,
meeting place rental,
workshops, helping other families, materials, coffee, etc.
State association expenses
include the TOUGHLOVE phone line and calls, Internet
access and website, rental of office space, office materials,
insurance, training and more.
Your contribution is greatly
appreciated and is our primary source of income, without which we
could not promote, maintain, or expand the parent support group
network.
|
| Top |
|
| Is there a fee? |
|
There is a one-time charge for the materials you
will need to work with in the group.
There is also a small weekly
contribution requested from each family.
Please contact your local organisation for current
details. If the money is a problem for you, please don't let it prevent
you from going to the group. Instead, let the group know and
they may be able to assist you.
|
| Top |
|
| Does my kid go with me to the
group? |
|
No.
The group is for parents and other adults that care about you and your
family. Your kid does not need to know everything that you are doing.
|
| Top |
|
| Are you a religious program? |
|
No. We are not affiliated with any religious
organisation.
|
| Top |
|
| What kind of program does
TOUGHLOVE offer? |
|
We are a network of Parent Support
Groups for parents having difficulties with children aged from "7 to
70". See the TOUGHLOVE philosophy page
for more information on the program.
|
| Top |
|
| Will you tell me what to do? |
|
Changes you need to make may be different from
what other people
need to do. You are in charge of making decisions about your life and
your family. Other parents in the group will offer you suggestions
based on what has worked for them and other people.
|
| Top |
|
| Why do I need to go to a group
when my kid is the one with the problem? |
|
If you ask your kid if he or she has a problem,
they will answer no.
If someone asks you if you have a problem, you will answer yes. You
need to go to the group to create a plan to help your child and that
plan includes a support system. Making changes is not easy and you will
need a support system created of people who understand where you are.
|
| Top |
|
| Where is the nearest boot camp? |
|
TOUGHLOVE does not refer people to boot
camps or other treatment
facilities. We know that your kid may need help from one or more of
these places. We recommend that you go to your local TOUGHLOVE Parent
Support Group.
|
| Top |
|
| There's no support group near me.
Can I just buy the material? |
|
Yes, you can purchase TOUGHLOVE
materials. We suggest that you purchase either Beyond the Last
Straw or The Starter Packet. Beyond the Last Straw
was designed for people who cannot attend TOUGHLOVE Groups. The
Starter Packet contains the material that will help you start a
support group for yourself and others in your community.
Remember that you cannot simply purchase the
"support" part of the program. Support is what makes the TOUGHLOVE
Program unique and successful. Most people cannot "change" life-long
behaviours without appropriate support.
|
| Top |
|
| How long will it take before I
see changes in my kid's behaviour? |
|
Maybe right away, maybe never. Your situation took
a long time to
develop and it will take a long time to change. Also, your kid's
behaviour will change only as a result of changes in your own behaviour.
|
| Top |
|
| What is TOUGHLOVE Australia? |
|
TOUGHLOVE is a non-profit, self-help
organisation that provides
ongoing education and active support to families, empowering parents
and young people to accept responsibility for their actions and to stop
destructive behaviours. We encourage families to network with community
leaders, agencies and each other, to help parents regain control of
their homes and their lives, making communities safer places in which
to live. See also About TOUGHLOVE.
|
| Top |
|
| What can I do if my question is
not answered here? |
|
Please contact the TOUGHLOVE service
centre for your state.
|
| Top |
|
Next
(where is the nearest TOUGHLOVE organisation?)
|